Slowing down while time speeds up
Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 4:24PM by Alison DeLory 
Cranberry Lake, N.S.Legend goes that children grow up in the blink of an eye. One day they arrive, the next they leave for jobs or university. I suggest this only seems the case in retrospect. There are many long parenting days when babies are first born. While on maternity leave, I recall counting down the minutes until my spouse returned home from work. I was desperate to get to that magical six-week mark when people said it would get easier—the baby would know day from night, space out feedings and cry less. Then I wanted him to roll over, crawl, walk, feed himself, talk, and toilet train. I was so anxious for him to grow up that I wasn't spending any time in the moment, and although back then they were longish moments, I knew they were somehow also fleeting and I shouldn't wish them away.
Five years ago we were living in Toronto. Focused on careers and with no family support there, my husband and I battled the urban jungle of long commutes and fixing meals on the fly. I recall being pregnant with my second child not long after starting a new job at Rogers Media Publishing (also corporate parent to Today's Parent). Going home one day, my subway train went out of service and we all had to go above ground to wait for buses. I stood at the back of a seemingly endless line while four buses came and went. With the strict daycare pick-up deadline of 6 p.m. looming, I hiked up my skirt, and in low-heeled bridesmaid shoes, grabbed my pregnant belly and sprinted four kilometres to my son's daycare. I was sweaty and crying when I arrived there at 5:58. Something had to give.
We moved to Halifax. We left many things we loved about Toronto: wonderful friends, schools and jobs, the multi-cultural population, our fully renovated home and lovely leafy neighbourhood, great restaurants, culture, and professional sports teams. But we gained something valuable: time.
Cape d'Or, N.S.I transitioned to freelance writing, and my husband, too, set up a home office. We work hard, but have greater flexibility and spend less time in the car. The kids walk themselves to school, and our home is both 10 minutes to downtown, but also rural enough that we regularly see deer on our property. We hike along the coast on weekends, love going to the beach, and eat home-cooked meals most nights. Sure, we still rush sometimes—from art lessons, to soccer practice, to medical appointments, to the mall—but a lot less. I'm back in school now too, doing a masters degree, and think it's a kick that I can do homework with the kids in the evenings.
What's strange though, is that we've slowed down our lives considerably only to find that our kids are indeed growing up faster. Do they pick up speed with age? Each birthday has come quicker on the heels of the one before it and I can hardly believe they are now nine and 11. The baby gear is long given away and they went to their first dance last weekend. The youngest no longer wants hugs or to be tucked into bed, and the eldest rolls his eyes at me when I tell him to wash his hands before dinner, saying I should, "relax."
Perhaps no matter what your strategy, time passes more quickly with the passing of time. If this phenomenon continues, they'll be gone before I figure out this parenting business. In the meantime, please someone invent a clock that ticks a little slower.
Parenting, Today's Parent, writing | in Inspiration, Just for Fun
Reader Comments (13)
Wonderful words Alison! Very timely as I have a family member preparing to make the trek to Toronto next year. I will be showing this to him in hopes that he will see what he'll be missing and to convince him and his growing family to stay here! Great blog entry, as always.
Your words wonderfully sum up what so many of us parents feel on a daily basis. The image of you pregnant and sprinting in heels to pick up Curtis at daycare is priceless, and is a great example of the crazy things we do for our children. Keep up the wonderful writing, Al. You make me smile during the chaos and beauty of life as a parent.
Hi Alison!
So true! I cram in as much as I can now the kids are 12 and 8. Weekends are just a blur with 6 am hockey practices wiping me out. I don't know the answer either:)
Ah the kids grow up so fast these days, don't they? Thanks for your comments and camaraderie. It helps to feel we're all in this together.
Well done, yet again! You have the unique ability to clearly discuss a topic with humour, insight, and intelligence. You have caused me to reminisce and also lament the accelerated passing of time. Thanks!
I truly enjoyed reading this article. I also once lived in Toronto (before children) and loved it. Now I live in the country with my two daughters; the pace is slower, less conveniences and without a real coffee shop. I work primarily from home - going to the office once a week - and spend as much time as possible with my girls. Even though I am home, spending every night with them, I still do not feel like it is enough time. My oldest daughter just turned 10 and my youngest is 7, and I would do anything to reverse the clock and go back to the days when they were full of chubby cheeks - just to re-live it one more time :)
so true, I see us all rushing around making more money so we can spend it on a big vacation to spend time with the kids. Seems silly, we can rethink things and reprioritize like you did.
I really enjoyed reading this. I've thought often of moving to Toronto or elsewhere for work, but am realizing that I've made the right choice to stay in Nova Scotia. I may never have my "dream job" while I live in Halifax, but I have so much more: family, friends, and time to enjoy life, because it does move too fast.
Wonderfully written Allison..................it is a constant juggle and as you are trying to plan and organize for the days ahead, the time slips by and you sometimes forget to just sit back and enjoy............
Although there are days when I wish time would pass faster and the kids would be tucked in bed so I could have a free moment to myself, I wish there were more hours in the day where quality time could be spent together.
Great blog and one I relate to all to well. Last week my next door neighbor, a busy young doctor with an equally busy one and a half year old daughter was feeling the pressure of keeping her top spinning everyday. There just seemed like there was no down time left in the day for her. As we commiserated over tea and cinnamon buns which we all know can cure Anything, I dragged out the poetry I had written when I was that mother with two small babies born a year apart and for awhile both in diapers and I showed her the line in the poem that said If it weren't for the mail I received, I would have forgotten my own name as I had become just mom to everyone and I often wrote it on the dust of the dresser before I dusted it to validate myself.There is comfort to be found in the sisterhood of female friends and the rewards go both ways.
Thanks for another wonderful, thought-provoking blog entry Alison. It is the ultimate balancing act no matter what your lifestyle choice or where you live. Choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, I have been able enjoy a less chaotic pace, have more quality time with my family, and still enjoy all the culture and diversity that a big city like Toronto offers. But there are certainly trade-offs that come with being a one-income family: less budget for entertainment and travel, never enough left for those much-needed home improvements, etc. And I miss the stimulation and personal growth that comes with a challenging job or career. But for me, for now anyway, the pros of not working outside the home outweigh the cons, and the benefits are less stress and a slowing down of time. Even still, I’ll probably be just as surprised as the next person when my boys are suddenly heading off to university!
Paula, you are absolutely right. This post isn't about the perils of living in Toronto and raising kids. I think Toronto's a wonderful place for families. It's more about making choices and finding a balance that works for your family, no matter where you live.
Sheree, your anecdote about writing your name in the dust when the rest of the world was calling you "Mommy" is so telling.
Maisie, more hours in the day would be great but I'd settle for 5 mins back in 2003 when I could hold my kids as babies one more time.
Crystal, life moves quickly but being aware of this, and trying to enjoy the moments in between, are a good approach.
Evangeline, you sacrificed good coffee for life in the country? Painful, but glad it's been the right decision for you.
Diane, the acceleration is scary. Our kids are almost teenagers! Where did the time go?
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